The Wizard of Zo, a parody
by Odi et amo
Summary: This is a parody I did a while back of the Wizard of Oz. It's really funny, and a little more mature than the movie, so I hope you read it. I promise it doesn't suck! Finished!
1. Chapter 1

Mmmkay...this be a parody of the Wizard of Oz that I was asked to write a while back, so I did. Instead of the original characters that were in it, I used me and my buddies. I'm Annie, James is my bestest friend, Kaia is my best friend, Marissa is one of my good friends, and Laddie is her boyfriend, and Jesse is Kaia's boyfriend. All others are stragglers along the way. Except Chainey. He is my adolescent God, and is much loved by all.

__

_**The Wizard of Zo.**_

Once upon a time, in the land of Kansas City, Missouri, there was a girl, and her name was Marissa Dorothy Gale Hewes. She lived on a humble farm on the realm of the black and white and always dreamed of bigger things along with her large Terrier-wolf breed puppy Lucky Toto. Yes, she was quite amazed by the fact that a wolf and a Terrier could actually mate and produce offspring, but the dogs wierdness never bothered her. As was previously said, she had big dreams. Dreams of seeing the color red, or even green. But alas, her life was only in black and white with a staticy look.

And thus, our story begins...

Marissa- "Lucky, do you ever think I'll see the color green, or a clear blue sky, free of the fuzzies?"

Lucky- " Bark, Bark!"

Marissa- " I am not supid for asking such questions. Think, man wanted to know where we began and it turns out we descend from monkies. There is color out there somewhere... : begins to sing: Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, there's a land that I heard of once, in a lulluby. Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dream of..."

Lucky- "BARK!" :rough translation: Shut the fuck up!":

Marissa- " Don't you boss me you little bitch!"

Lucky- "..."

Yelling is heard fronm the house at this point and a scary looking old woman walks out of the house and grabs lucky.

Marissa- " Leggo of my dog, ya old hag!"

Woman- " Ha! Fat chance off that happening! Why, just the other day, this ugly mockery of all that's natural and right in the world BIT me. I have a warrent and this_ thing _is going to be put down, in accordance with the law."

At this point Marissa tried to wrestle Lucky away from her, but the old hag was too strong and pushed Marissa to the ground, ran to her motorcycle, put the dog in a pink and white basket, and peeled out.

Marissa- " LUCKY! DON"T EVER FORGET ME! NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER!"

Marissa began to cry, and then she ran to the house and yelled at her mother and father.

Marissa- " How could you let that horrid old witch take my baby!"

She then ran to her room, flung herself upon the bed, and began to sob.

Meanwhile, Lucky, being very smart, managed to push open the basket, jump out, and run home to his owner. He arrived there as Marissa was preparing to commit suicide, or writing the letter at least. Upon seeing him she began to cry harder and pack her belongings.

Marissa- " We're leaving this place boy! We're going somewhere that horrid witch can never find us again!"

(This is really how it goes in the real story.)

And thus she left the house and began her travels to god knows where.

Presently, she came upon a white wagon with the words " THE GREAT AND POWERFUL SMART-ASS" written on the side. She stepped inside and was greeted by a little man with brown hair He beamed at her.

Man-" Come in, come in. My name is Josh McLeod, and I know all. Have a seat."

Marissa did as asked and set her pack upon the floor. Josh sat as well.

Josh- " Close your eyes."

Marissa again did as asked. Josh began to rummage through her bag while chanting in some made up language. He came upon her wallet and pocketed the money inside, then took out a picture and studied it. It showed and elderly woman. He stuck the picture back in the wallet and the wallet back in the bag, then sat across from her.

Josh- "You may open thy eyes child, for I have peered through the mists of time and the future. Tell me do you have a grandmother?"

Marissa opened her eyes, amazed that he knew she had a grandmother.

Marissa- " Yes, I do!"

Josh- " I see a vision of her, she is in a black and white polka dotted dress with a hat on. Is that correct?"

Marissa- " Yes, that's her favorite dress as a matter of fact!"

Josh- " Is that so? She is calling out a name...she is worried for someone...Marissa...Marissa...she says...OH...Oh this is terrible! She is clutching her chest as if in pain. She has fallen to the ground! Her body is _twitching_ and her face is pale. Tell me does she have an illness?"

Marissa- "NO!GRANDMA!"

Josh- " Oh. it's just getting worse! She is _dying_, there are people all around her. Her movements have stopped. A doctor is shaking his head. Oh, **_whatever_** can this mean. But wait, where are you? Why are you not in this horrific image of _DEATH_!"

Marissa- " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Josh- " The vision has ended! That'll be $29.95 plus a tax of $5.00 per dollar. Then there is also the $50.00 for the half-hour..."

Marissa ran out the door towards home.

Wind began to pick up and form into a tunnel. She reached the yard and ran to the shelter. It was locked. She ran to the house and the screen came off. She collapsed upon her bed as the house flew into the air with her and Lucky.

Marissa- " GRANDMA!"

The house landed and Marissa woke up. She stepped outside and shut her eyes as the bright golden sun tried to mutilate them, then opened them again. There were green hemp plants growing everywhere. Giggling reached her ears as a fat midget came towards her. She held onto Lucky tightly.

Midget- " Are you a good witch or a bad witch?"

Marissa- " EXCUSE ME! Do I look like a witch? NOOOOOO!"

Midget- " BAD WITCH!GAAAAH! THE DEVIL!RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

A large pink ball floated towards them as a young man in a black dress and checkered tie fell out of it.

Man- " Ooof! Hello! I am called Chainey, the good witch of the north!"

Marissa took a look at his assorted gun and knife collection strapped all over him and shook her head.

Marissa- " You look more like crossdressing mercenary."

Chainey- " I am too a witch and I can prove it!"

He pulle out a wand and brandished it like a sword.

Chainey- " Alakazannabibittibobbitibookadabra!"

Bright red glittering shoes appeared on Marissa's feet,

Marissa- " OH MY GAWD! DIAMOND ENCRUSTED SOLES!"

Chainey- " Those belonged to my now deceased sister, the wicked witch of the east"

Marissa- " What happened to her?"

Chainey- " You killed her."

Marissa- " I did not!"

Chainey geabbed her shoulders and turned her around. There, underneath the house, was a dead body. Midgets were currently poking it with sticks.

Marissa- " I didn't mean too!"

Chainey- " I don't mind. More money, power and lands for me. YAY!"

Midgets began to crowd around them.

Chainey- " These are the munchkins! Nuclear waste from the 1941 Nagasaki bombing in Japan stunted thier growth and thrust this chunk of land into orbit around the earth! We have our own atmosphere and everything!"

Some midgets stepped forth and one of them pulled out a slip of paper.

Chainey- " OH YAY! A free show!"

Midget- " We munchkins of the land of Zo, wish to thank you for killing the wicked witch of the east. And in your honor we will give you food, entertainment and fulfill one wish."

More midgets stepped forth as some began to serve her really expensive sounding french dishes.

Midgets- " We represent the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild, we represent the lollipop guild, and this we give to you!"

They handed her a humoungas( sp?) lollipop and ran off. Three midget girls in tutu's showed up and began to dance. Then another midget showed up when they were done.

Midget- " Wish?"

Marissa- " I wanna go home! You thingies scare me!"

Chainey- " There is only one way, you must follow the bright, golden sidewalk to see the wizard of Zo!"

Midgets- " Follow the bright golden sidewalk, follow the bright golden sidewalk, follow, follow, follow, follow the bright golden sidewalk! OHHHHHHH, Were off to see the wizard the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Zo! We hear he is a wiza-ful wiz, if ever a wiz there was, if ever a wiza-ful wiz there was the wizard of Zo is one because, because, because, because, because, because of the wonderful things he does! Were off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Then Marissa was shoved out of the town.

Marissa- " GAAH! This sucks ass. How the hell am I supposed to follow the bright, golden sidewalk if it branches in four directions?"

Voice-" Go that way!"

Marissa looked around. There was nothing but a corn field and a scarecrow.

Marissa- " I AM going crazy!"

Voice- " That way is pretty good too!"

Marissa looked around yet again. She caught a movement out of the corner of her eye and glared at the now differently positioned scarecrow.

Marissa- " Wait a minute..."

Voice- " Course you could always go that way as well!"

The scarecrow crossed his arms and grinned at her. Marissa screamed.

Marissa- " Possessed farm equipment! Run for your lives!"

Scarecrow- " I beg your pardon! I am not possessed!"

Marissa marched up to him and poked him in the chest, which was actually quite a ways up considering he was stuck up on a pole.

Marissa- " Give me directions or I'll burn you!"

Scarecrow- " OOH, I'm really scared, considering I'm fireproof and all.."

Marissa- " You're made of straw!"

Scarecrow- " This is Zo, moron. After the 1941 bombing of Naga..."

Marissa- " Spare me the history lesson."

Scarecrow- " The straw here is fireproof, but melts in water."

Marissa- " What the hell?"

Scarecrow- " Could you get me off?"

Marissa- " What! Ewww! No!"

Scarecrow- " I have a pole lodged up my back! All I'm asking you to do is bend the nail in the back and release me!"

Marissa- " Wait! What? Huh? Nail?"

Scarecrow- " Yes! Nail! Pole! Back! Pain! Intense pain!"

Marissa- " I thought you were asking me to..."

Scarecrow- " What?"

He gave her a blank stare. He seriously did not know.

Marissa- " Never mind, hold still."

She undid the nail in back and he fell to the ground.

Marissa- " Hey, chicken, you lost some of your stuffing."

Scarecow- " I'm free! YAYAYAYAYAYAY! First order of business. I need a name. I shall be henceforth known as James Wolivar!"

Marissa- " Right...Jayme? Which way to the wizard?"

James- " My name is not Jayme and how the hell should I know?"

Marissa- " Give an educated guess!"

James- I'm not educated though. I do not have a brain. Oh, if I only had a brain. I could while away the hours, conversing with the flowers, in sunshine or in rain. I could be great at thinkin', just like old Abe lincoln, if I only had a brain. Oh, I, could tell you why..."

Marissa- "Stop singing!"

James- " Left, 3.5 kilometers, through the black forest and the poppy field. Knock twice, wait for butler."

Marissa- " You just claimed to not know the way!"

James- " I was by a road. Travellers have asked me for directions for the past four months. That's how old I am!"

Marissa- " Thank you! BYE!"

James- " Wait, you're going to see the wizard right? Think he'll give me a brain?"

Marissa- " Maybe. I gotta get home. We'll go see him together."

James- " YAY!"

Marissa- " Do you know Chainey?"

James- " Chainey?"

Marissa- " You act like him, with all that YAY-ing"

James- " Nope."

Marissa- " Let's go."

Now remember to read, enjoy, and review! Because without reviews, I won't update.


	2. Chapter 2

3.5 kilometers later they came to a forest. It was very dark and a sign was posted outside that read " Welcome to the black forest. Beware of cowardly lion."

James- " Hmm...I think we found the black forest!"

Marissa- " Really? The sign never gave that fact away!"

James- " I can't read, no brain."

Marissa felt very stupid at that moment. They walked in. Soon they heard a moaning sound. Lucky barked.

James- " Wow, that sounds more painful than my pole."

Marissa- " I wouldn't want to know."

James- " No, you wouldn't want to know. It was so friggin' hard and unyeilding and..."

Marissa- " SHUT UP!"

They found a tin man a little ways off the path, visible from the road.

Marissa- " Oh, cool a robot!"

James- " What's a robot?"

Marissa- " Never mind..."

Tin man- " MMMMTTTTHHHHRRRRRFFFFKKKKKRRRR!"

James- " I don't understand you. Could you open your mouth and articulate?"

Marissa- " James, he's rusted over."

Tin man- " CCCCCNNNN YYYYLLLL CCCCCNNNNN!"

James- " He said oil can."

Marissa- " Found it!"

They poured oil on his mouth.

Tin man- " Quick get the rest of me!"

They oiled the rest of him, paying the most attention to his knees and elbows.

Tin man- " FRREEEEEDDDDOOOOOOMMMMM! Oh , thank you! I've been stuck there since tuesday!"

James- " What happened tuesday?"

Tin man- " It rained."

James looked scared.

Marissa- " Were off to see the wizard of Zo so I can go home and he can get a brain. What's your story?"

Tin man- " I don't have a heart."

Marissa- " And so you feel like doing a song and dance routine the journeying with us to see if the wizard will give you a heart."

Tin man- " I don't song or dance and I don't need a heart."

Marissa- " Thank god, a person with intelligence."

Tin man- " But I would like a waterproof body."

Marissa- " Then join, unlike him, your request actually makes sense."

James- " HEY!"

Tin man- " I am called Laddie amongst my people."

Marissa- " I am Marissa and that is James."

They began to journey together until Marissa's stomach growled.

James- " What was that awful sound?"

Marissa- " THAT was my stomach. I'm so hungry, feed me!"

Laddie- " Remarkable. I thought only the lions, tigers and bears in these woods actually required food. What are you?"

Marissa- " A human being."

Laddie- " Nuh-uh. Normal human beings went extinct in this land after the 1941 bombing of..."

Marissa- " Nagasaki! I know! Big nuclear war thing! Screwed with DNA here!"

James- " Look, money trees!"

Laddie- " Ignore them my ignorant friend. There are evil spirits in those trees."

Marissa- " I don't care! I'm poor as hell! This is my chance at millions! AND FOOD, BECAUSE MONEY BUYS FOOD!"

She ran to the trees only to be smacked by one of the branches.

Tree 1- " Get away from my leaves!"

Tree 2- " How would you like it if we decided to take your money?"

Tree3- " Yeah!"

Marissa- " I wouldn't like that at all!"

Laddie- " Told you they were evil.."

Tree 2- " Shut up you little tin punk!"

Laddie- " Ooh, big words from a stationary object."

Tree 1- " I'll show you!"

Laddie- " How about I chop you down!"

He walked over to the first tree and began to hack away at it's base.

Tree 1- " AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"

The tree fell and died, he moved to the next. Marissa began to pick the money leaves and hastily shove the various ones, fives, tens, twenties, fifties, and hundreds into her clothing. Her boobs doubled in size as Lucky's collar was stuffed.

Tree 2- " No please! I beg you!"

The tree fell and died, he moved to the third.

Tree 3- " DEAR GOD SAVE ME!"

This tree fared just as well as the others as Marissa moved onto the second and began to take out James's straw and restuff him to get even more money, suddenly laughter flared up behind them as all three whirled around. A young woman stood there, in a corset top shirt and ripped black jeans. She had chains and spikes all over her and held a broomstick labeled " firebolt 2007."

Young woman- " I am the wicked witch of the south! I am Kaia!" (pronounced Kai-uh)

Laddie- " Don't care."

Terri- " Give me your diamond encrusted shiny red slippers!"

Marissa- " No..."

Kaia- " Fine! I'll just have to take them by force! HENCHMEN!"

An army of monkeys in fez hats appeared out of the sky.

Laddie- " RUN!"

They ran.

Kaia- " You can't escape that easily!"

Thunder boomed in the sky as her laughter faded in to the air.

Kaia- " See how easily you can travel now!"

Rain began to fall down on them ( This does not happen in the original story) as they ducked into a cottage. The rain lasted all night, Marissa and Lucky huddled up by Laddie, having figured out he had a personal furnace inside of him. James remained unnaffected except for the occasional flinch when a particularly loud boom ripped through the air.

Morning came and they left, entirely unharmed. They traveled forth again until...

Marissa- " Do you know anything about a cowardly lion?"

Laddie- " Nope. They say that there are lions in these woods but I've only seen Tigers, bears and the occasional dragon."

Marissa- " Tigers...?"

James- " Bears...?"

Laddie- " And Dragons!"

Marissa- " Oh , my."

All three- " Tigers, bears, and dragons, Oh, my! Tigers, bears, and dragons, Oh, my! Tigers, bears, and dragons, Oh, my! Tigers, bears, and drago..."

A loud roar was heard as a lion jumped out of the bushes at them. It was a rather small lion, and it was pure white. An albino. It roared again.

Marissa screamed. James ran, Laddie looked confused.

Laddie- " Hey, there are lions in these woods..."

Lion- " ROAR! I AM DANIELLE! ROAR!"

Danielle the lion began to chase Lucky around, obviously trying to kill him.

Marissa ran up to her and smacked her. Danielle started to cry.

Marissa- " What the hell? Didn't your mother tell you not to pick on things smaller than yourself!"

Danielle- " I could'nt help it, I'm so hungry!"

Marissa- " So am I but you don't see me trying to eat my dog!"

Danielle- " I'm so sorry!"

Marissa- " What the hell kind of lion are you?"

Danielle- " WAAAAGGGGHHHH!"

Laddie- " Obviously a cowardly one..."

Danielle- " Yes, I am, I have no courage. I'm afraid of mice!"

James- " Wow, I didn't know lions could actually be afraid of mice. Nice..."

Danielle- " I'm sorry! I'll go now!"

Marissa- " Wait! Maybe you can come with us to see the wizard of Zo. Maybe he can give you some courage."

Danielle- " Do you think so?"

Marissa- " Yeah! I'm Marissa. This is Laddie, and that thing over there is James."

James- " What? Thing? I resent that! I am not a thing."

Danielle- " Okay. I'll go with you."

And the odd group of four began to travel, the farmgirl, the scarecrow, the tin man, and the lion.

" Damn it!"

oooooooooo

Kaiastormed around the office of her castle, mad as hell and ranting to her chief henchman, Jesse the flying monkey.

Jesse- " Maybe if you just killed them?"

Kaia- " No, those enchanted shoes of hers will just pass on to Chainey, and I can't kill him. Besides she's under his protection."

Jesse- " Then trick her into handing them over. Kidnap her, scare her into submission."

Kaia- " Hey, that actually might work. Send out some of the troops to take her hostage."

Jesse- " That won't work, thier too close to Zo."

Kaia- " Well then give me a plausible idea."

Jesse- " Enchant the poppy field they will soon to come across. Make them fall into a poisen induced sleep. Steal the shoes when she's dead."

Kaia- " That's a good idea. I knew there was a reason I bought you off the elven slave market, besides the sex."

Jesse- " I know. But I have to tell you, I am not God. Please stop calling me that."


	3. Chapter 3

James- " I have to go pee."

Marissa- " Do scarecrows actually _have _bladders?"

Laddie- " Apparently so."

Danielle- " That's kind've a scary thought."

James- " It's not actually peeing that I do. I go off by myself somewhere and commune with nature."

Marissa- " So you're a hippie?"

James- " I am like a hippie, without the hippie clothes and the hippie hair..."

Marissa- " Go commune with nature hippie boy. We'll _wait _for you."

James- "Really?"

Laddie- " _Sure_..."

James- " YAY!"

And thus James wondered off into the woods at one of the most critical moments in this story.

Laddie- " I see Zo!"

Marissa- " Oh, look it's Zo! Past all the pretty flowers I can see Zo!"

Danielle- " YAY!"

Marissa- " Do you know Chainey?"

Danielle- " Who's that?"

Marissa- " Never mind."

They ran across the flower field, vaguely aware of James yelling wait in the backround.

Marissa- " I feel tired..."

Laddie- " Were only halfway there!"

Danielle- " I'm tired too."

Marissa- " A little nap..."

They fell to the ground as James caught up with them.

Laddie- " What just happened?"

James-" Wake up! Up!"

Laddie- " HELP!"

James- " HELP!"

Chainey- " Waaggh! Can you morons do nothing for yourselves! Carry them!"

They turned around to glare at him.

James- " I like that dress."

Laddie- " I don't know who you are, but you should at least help us."

Chainey- " They're under a spell. They'll be dead in about an hour if you don't get them out of here."

James- " Hey, you must be Chainey!"

Chainey- " Yes, I am."

James- " Then wave your wand and get rid of the spell."

Chainey- " I'm friends with Kaia, Her magic cancels out mine, and vice versa."

Laddie- " Then cancel out her magic."

Chainey- " But that's mean."

Laddie- " Do it or I'll hack you in half."

Chainey- " But that's mean too. Fine, in preservation of my much needed lower half, I will sort've undo Kaia's magic."

Chainey waved his wand about the air and mumbled the magic words. Marissa and Danielle woke up .

Marissa- " Chainey!"

Chainey- " Hey, you're alive!"

Danielle- " Huh?"

Chainey- " I must leave now. Bye."

He formed in to a pink ball and flew off.

Marissa- " What the hell are we standing around for. I want to go to Zo.

Laddie- " Lets go then."

They ran the rest of the way to the front door to a large green sparkling building. They knocked on it. A man holding a cigarette appeared through a round opening right above thier heads.

Man- " Whaddya want?"

Marissa- " Were here to see the wizard."

Man- " He's on an extended vacation."

James- " Where at?"

Man- " His room."

Marissa- " Can we see him."

Man- " No."

He began to close the door.

James- " Wait!"

He pulled out a hundred dollar bill and waved it in the man's face.

James- " Please."

Man- " ...Fine."

He dissapered and opened the door the entire way.

Man- " My name is Brandon. You need to head that way and get cleaned up before seeing the Wizard."

A bunch of munchkins poured out of a room and dragged them in. Marissa was forced into a new, clean version of her dress, Laddie was oiled, buffed and shined and situated with a new axe which was much sharper and larger than the old one, Danielle was given a flea bath and trim with Lucky and James was restuffed, mainly with all of the money that had been held inside of him. They were then led back to Brandon.

Brandon- " Follow me."

He led them down a really big hallway and paused outside a door.

Brandon- " This is as far as I go."

He walked away.

Marissa- " Well...

Laddie- "Let's..."

James- " Go..."

Danielle-" ...OUT! I'm too scared. He's a friggin wizard and that's not good. He could kill us all with a simple beginners spell."

They dragged her into the room where a huge head sat in possibly the largest fireplace in existance.

Head- " I am the great and powerful Wizard of Zo. Who dares to enter into my presence?"

Danielle fainted as Laddie stepped forth.

Laddie- " We do. I want water resistant body armor."

Marissa- " I want to go home."

James- " I want a brain."

Wizard of Zo- " And what does that unconscious one want?"

Marissa- " She wants courage."

Wizard of Zo- " What makes you think I'll just give you these things?"

James- " Assumption of the ignorant."

Marissa- " What do you want in return?"

Wizard of Zo- " Bring me The Broom of the Witch of the West. Go NOW!"

Danielle woke up at his pronouncement and ran out the door, everyone else following behind her.

oooooooooo

Kaia- " They escaped! They got away with my shoes because of that damn goody-two-shoes Chainey! This time I shall not fail! Jesse! Assemble your troops! Bring me the girl and her precious little mutt! I'll just have to scare the shoes off of her! Bwahahahahahahahahaaaahaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Laddie- " I hear wings, lots of wings."

James- " Why is the sky getting darker?"

Marissa- " MONKEYS!"

Danielle- " What? Where? I want a monkey."

Just then Jesse came down from the sky and lifted Marissa into the air. With an evil chuckle he ordered his " troops" back to the castle. Lucky was picked up too and they dissapeared.

Laddie- " MARISSA!"

Marissa-" LADDIE!"

Danielle- " FLYING MONKEYS!"

Kaia- " Hello my pretty...Actually considering you're blond you're not pretty, but cute would be an apt description."

Marissa- " Let me go."

Kaia- " Jesse go make me some chicken wings and get me a pepsi. This is going to take a while."

Jesse- " Right away milord, I mean lady."

Kaia- " I want to show you something Marissa."

Kaialed Marissa to grayish blueish greenish room entirely covered in random pictures and posters then forced her to sit at a table with a crystal ball.

Kaia- " Look."

The ball cleared and showed Marissa's grandmother crying out her name, telling her to come home.

Kaia- " I can send you to her if you give me your shoes."

Marissa- " You're a terrible person!"

Kaia- " I know!"

Marissa- " I want my grandma!"

Kaia- " Think on it Dearie. Home for shoes, or death for no shoes."

Kaiawalked out of the room as Marissa flung herself upon the table and began to sob.

Marissa- " GRANDMA!"

oooooooooo

James- " I see the monkeys."

Laddie- " Does everyone know what to do?"

Danielle- " Unfortunately."

Three monkeys walked by at that moment, patrolling the area for intruders. Laddie, James and Danielle began to beat them up then stole thier clothing and disguised themselves as the guards. A line of monkeys went by and they got in the back and snuck into the castle. Then they began thier search.

Laddie- " MARISSA!"

James- " MARISSA!"

Danielle- " Marissa!"

Marissa- " IN HERE!"

They ran to a door and Laddie chopped it down with his axe.

Marissa- " You found me! She was going to kill me! We need to leave now!"

They began to run randomly around the castle, completely lost until some monkeys andKaia found them in the highest room of the tallest tower.

Kaia- " Did you honestly think you could escape my fortress?"

Laddie- " Yeah, actually we did."

Kaia- " Awww...too bad. Now I'll just have to kill all of you."

James picked up a bucket of kool-aid and threw it at her.

Kaia- " AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH! Damn you! My one weakness! I'm melting!"

True to her word she was melting. It was actually a rather gruesome sight. Skin was peeling away from her body as she slowly, for lack of a better word, melted.

Kaia- " Curse you! Damn you! You shall forever be cursed with a short life span. None of you will live past twenty- five, nor your descendants! I'm melting! Melting! Melting..."

She turned into a puddle on the floor, and that was the last the world saw of Kaia. Chainey promptly inherited her Territories and launched a war against his brother God, the wicked witch of the west. He won and took over the land of Zo, started his own religion and was worshipped as God and King for the remainder of his days, as were his children, but that is another story completely unrelated to this one.

James- " ...What just happened?"

Jesse- " I believe I can answer that. In the land of Zo, wicked witches can be killed by kool-aid. Good witches by other witches. You just killed her, thus setting me free from the horror my life with her has been for the past two years. What do you require in return. We cannot give you this castle, but if you want you can have money, jewelry, slaves, everlasting happiness, immortality, anything really, in return for our freedom from her."

Marissa- " I want mone..."

James- " Give us her broomstick."

Jesse- " Okay!"

He handed them the broom.

Jesse- " Now that you request has been filled, we shall send you on your way and wait for Lord Chainey to arrive."

They were suddenly standing in front of the Wizard's home again.

Marissa- " YOU BASTARD!"

She attacked James and began to use him as a punching bag. Laddie knocked on the door as Danielle stared wide- eyed.

Marissa- " I could've been the richest person in the world! I could've been immortal! I could have had my own personal slaves!"

Brandon answered the door and let them in. Marissa was carried over Laddie's shoulder, still trying to murder James, who was running the fastest to the Wizards door. They entered the room.

Wizard of Zo- " Did you retrieve the Broom?"

Danielle- " Yes we did."

Wizard of Zo- " Lay it on the floor and leave!"

James- " Uh..."

Marissa- " I gave up Immortality for this broomstick! I am owed the chance to go home."

Wizard of Zo- " You had your chance, it is now gone. I want you to leave now and never come..."

Just then Lucky began to bark and ran over to a curtain in the left wall. He pulled it open to reveal a short man with spiky brown hair yelling into an intercom.

Man behind curtain- "...back! Get out of my sight! Go.! Get Out!"

Laddie- " Eh-hem..."

Man behind curtain- " AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!"

By now everyone except Danielle and James had figured out that the little man was the Wizard of Zo.

Laddie- " Who the hell are you?"

Man behind curtain- " I am the great and powerful..."

He moved away from the intercom, revealing a high pitch voice that came out as a squeek.

Man behind curtain- " Wizard of Zo...Now that you know the secret, what do you want?"

Marissa- " We told you on our first visit."

James- " Hey...you're the Wizard of Zo..."

Danielle- " Oh, My God! Really?"

Laddie and Marisa decided to ignore this as the man spoke again.

Man behind curtain- " I am called Squeeks. Now, as per your request. Young Lion ,I cannot give you courage...a leapord cannot change it's spots, nor a coward it's fear. You are quite damned. I can however, give you a book that will improve your lot in life."

He handed Danielle a copy of National Death Statistics.

Squeeks- " Young Scarecrow, intelligence is, and always has been, overrrated. I suggest you go to school though, and learn a trade that will help you build a fortune with which to pay people to pretend you're smart with."

He handed James a copy of Schools located in and out of the country.

Squeeks- " Young Tin Man, there is a factory located ten miles from here, that specializes in plastic sculpture and living art. They can build you an almost indestructable body that is not only waterproof, but even more flexible than the one you have now. No more oil cans for you, that is, if you still wish to be waterproof."

He handed Laddie a map.

Squeeks- " Young Lady, you're screwed."

With that said he walked out of the room whistling the smurf theme song.

Marissa- " I"M NEVER GOING HO...HOME!"

She began to sob uncontrollably into Laddie's chest, which began to get rust stains on it and ceased moving as much as it used to. No more normal breathing for him:smiles:

James- " Oh honestly! Is life here that bad? You have friends who care, more money than Bill Gates, A dog, a Tin Man, and good luck! Why cry at all?"

Marissa- " Because I'm never going to see my family again! Or my rat MACY!"

Laddie- " So?"

Marissa- " How would you like it if you were stuck in a strange land with strange people, and an accusation of murder?"

Danielle- " I could take the first part just fine, I hate my family."

James- " They stuck me on a pole."

Laddie- " They made me chop me wood in the rain."

Marissa- " Waaaaagggggghhhhhhh!"

Just then a pink ball floated in through an open window and Chainey fell out on his butt.

Chainey- " What's with all the sobbing?"

Marissa- " I'll never see my home again!"

Chainey- " Who the hell told you that?"

James- " That short dude did."

Chainey- " Were those his exact words? Did he say, Marissa, you're never going home?"

Marissa- " No..."

Chainey- " What did he say?"

Marissa- " I'm screwed."

Chainey- " Yeah you are, honestly, hanging on to that poor metal thingy like that...shameful."

Laddie- " I'm not complaining."

James- " Duh...her chest is smashed into your arm, you're getting a pretty good feel right now."

Laddie- " Yep."

Danielle- " Can robots feel?"

Chainey- " Yes. Now before I tell you the greatest secret ever, I must ask you, What have you learned Marissa?"

Marissa- " That :sob: friends and family are what matter most and :hic: that no matter wher you :sniff: are that as long as they are :blows nose: you are home. They are your home. There is no place like home."

Chainey- " Good, now tap your heels together three times and chant that last sentence over and over again."

He began to wave is wand over her.

Marissa- " There is no place like home. There is no place like home. There is no place like home. There is no place like home. There is no place like home. There is no place like..."

:snap. crackle, pop, fizz:

She dissapeared.

James- " HA! I still have all her money!"

Somewhere in Springfield, MO...

Lady- " Marissa...Marissa...Wake up..."

Marissa- " Go 'way."

Lady- " School starts in fifteen minutes."

Marissa- " AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Lady- " Honestly Marissa, you'd think to know better than to sleep in like that. You are so lucky this is my day off or else..."

Marissa- " SHUT UP!"

oooooooooo

James- " Hey look Marissa's here!"

Annie- " Hello my buddeh, this really isn't funneh, I want a bunneh."

Kaia- " I remember that!"

Danielle- " What's sad is I do too and I'm not even sure where it's from."

James- " You look like hell."

Marissa-" Thanks. I had a weird dream last night."

Kaia- " Better not be about Laddie again..."

Marissa- " No. I dreamt we were all characters in the Wizard of Oz. Only it was called Zo."

Annie- " And You guys call ME weird!"

Marissa- " What's wrong with you?"

Annie- " BANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS!"

Marissa- " Okay, whatever."

James- " Why would you dream about the wizard of Oz?"

Marissa- " I have no clue. But We were ALL Characters and..."

THE END!

Bet nobody was expecting THAT ending!

Moral of the Story: See tree with leaves made of money, cut down tree with leaves made of money, take money. Or as other people phrase it, see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil...


End file.
